


Too Much

by A_For_Accidental



Category: Critical Role
Genre: Also Vex'ahlia is his literal rock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I.E. THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR EP 57 DUSKMEADOW, Post Ep 57: Duskmeadow, Someone help my Fragile Son, The Twins Get Emotional, Vax'ildan is so confused, if she weren't there the world would fall apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:25:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9432701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_For_Accidental/pseuds/A_For_Accidental
Summary: After everything that's happened, Vax thinks he's finally got it figured out.After Hotiss, Vax is lost.





	

  
The gentle knocking on the door of Vex'ahlia's room made her sigh and set down her old bow, which she was in the process of re-stringing. After several weeks of almost non-stop action, the poor thing had finally begun to give; though she had bought a new string back in Vasselheim, she was relying more and more on her Sky Sentinel's bow. Not that she was complaining, but it still stung a little to see her old faithful wearing down.

Standing, Vex fixed her shirt and composed herself, fixing a smile to her face. "Who is it?"

"It's me."

Vex let out a small breath of relief, letting herself relax as she tugged open the door to reveal Vax standing in the hall, shoulders hunched and eyes downcast. Something dark twisted in Vex'ahlia's gut at seeing this. Vax's close call with Hotiss had obviously impacted him a lot more than he was letting on.

Raising his eyes, Vax'ildan glanced over Vex's form before sighing. "Your hair's a mess. Can I come in?"

She nodded, beckoning him inside and closing the door behind him. "You're here to insult my hair?"

"Of course not." Vax strode to Vex's bed and hopped onto it, patting the space in front of him on the mattress. "I'm here to fix it. Sit down."

Vex obliged, moving to sit with her back to his chest. If anything, it spoke volumes that Vax'ildan had shown up so late at night just to do Vex's hair; her brother often sought her out when he felt exposed or too raw to be alone. This she understood without needing to hear it explained. Vax'ildan was a quiet person by nature, yet he was bursting with the need to speak freely, and this she granted to him with little argument.

As Vax began methodically pulling Vex's braid loose, Vex began speaking softly, inspecting her nails as she did. "We never really talk much anymore, do we, brother?"

A sigh. "Not much to talk about, I suppose. You see most of what I do."

"Yes, but not _all_ of it. And I'm sure you've got your own ideas about it all."

"Mmm."

Vex'ahlia huffed in annoyance, blowing a strand of hair away from her eye. "Read any good books lately?"

"No. Though, Percival is subtly trying to get me to read more about Avians."

The blatant distaste in Vax's voice made Vex'ahlia snort, and she shifted on the mattress. "Sounds about right. I thought I'd give them a read if you don't, see if there's anything I should know in case you suddenly sprout feathers from your nose."

"Har har, sister," he drawled as he tugged a strand of hair particularly hard. "It is like you to side with Percival, isn't it."

A bolt of shock ran down Vex's spine. "How do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Just talking of subtlety, of course."

That bastard. Vex sat up straighter, forcing Vax to move so he could continue working. Two could play at that game.

"And how's Keyleth doing, then?"

There was a brief moment of silence before he responded. "She's, you know. She's fine."

What? "Fine? That's all?"

"Yeah, you know. She's . . ." He inhaled deeply, as though preparing to say something, then let out all of his air at once. "She's fine."

"She's the love of your life, Keyleth, super-powerful nature-princess, and she's just _fine_?"

Vax's hands had since stopped moving in Vex'ahlia's hair, resting against her shoulders, braid forgotten. She'd likely piled it on a bit thick, but sometimes that was the only way to crack her twin's ridiculously fickle shell. He remained silent, and Vex sighed. "Talk to me. Please."

When she turned to face him, his hands gripped her shoulders and held her in place. "No, don't . . . Don't turn," he said, voice dropping to a whisper. "I'll talk."

Eyebrows furrowing, Vex leaned into his hands slightly and nodded.

"I, um. I've been thinking a lot about that night. With Hotiss. About what he said. I haven't, ah, haven't really been able to sleep since then. Not properly." His fingers drummed against Vex's back. "I've been thinking. He knew . . . Well, he seemed to know a lot about Gilmore. And I. About us. And he said some things . . ." Vax'ildan sighed deeply, hands dropping away and into his lap. "It got me wondering if maybe Gilmore actually felt that way. I mean, Hotiss talked about how awful it felt, me leaving h--me leaving Gilmore, and. Wait. Did you know about me and Gilmore?"

"Yeah."

"Right. Um. Okay then. He, ah, I kind of . . . Anyway, Hotiss said how painful it was, and he'd really only know about these things if he had known that Gilmore felt that way, and it made me wonder . . . Made me wonder if . . . If I've made the right choice."

"Which choice?"

"Leaving Gilmore like that. For Keyleth instead."

Vex'ahlia took a moment, sorting through what Vax had said. "Well. Does she make you happy?"

"Keyleth?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, of course she does. I mean--" hesitating, his voice cracked slightly. "I think she does? Honestly, I've been having a hard time figuring out what that means. Of course, she makes me happy, I'm in love with her, but Gilmore makes me happy too, and I'm just. Confused. About this whole thing. I don't . . ."

Vax'ildan sighed deeply, and Vex could feel him deflate behind her. "I just really _really_ don't want to hurt either of them. At all."

Vex'ahlia could feel her heart break as she finally turned, looking into Vax's equally broken expression. It was terrible to see him this way--conflicted and confused at the world, terrified that he would make the wrong decision and bring people down in the process. As strong as he was, his heart was a fragile thing.

"Oh, Vax," she finally said, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "You are so strong. You know that?"

A surprised laugh, and Vax shot her an incredulous look as she continued.

"Vax, you're so strong. And so resilient, and loving, so, so loving. And you're right, you do love Keyleth, with all your heart. But," she added, and Vax's expression turned from hardened to openly insecure. "You love Keyleth with all your heart. _And_ you love Gilmore with all your heart. _And_ you love me with all your heart. And Percy, with all your heart. And Pike, and Scanalan, and yes, even Grog. And you loved Tiberius with all your heart, and you _still_ love Elaina with your whole heart, and it's just so, _so_ much loving for one person to do, Vax, it really is."

A tear dropped to Vex's knee where it was pressed against Vax's, and she raised her hand to brush away the trail it left behind on Vax's cheek. "It's so much for one heart to handle, and yet you're still so giving. And you give and you give and you give, and d'you know what?"

Vax sniffled, swallowing down what was probably more tears. "What?"

Vex smiled, reaching up and placing her hands on her brother's shoulders. "I think you deserve to _get_ now and again, yeah?"

He remained silent, staring into Vex'ahlia's eyes as if waiting for her to continue, which she did with a sigh. "Look. If I know anything about how Gilmore feels about you, I think that if anything else he'd want you to be happy. Sure, he's going to feel jealous, Vax, no one can love that hard and be untouched by jealously once in a while. Hell, I was jealous of Keyleth too at one point. But I want you to be happy, and so does he. And if Keyleth brings you the kind of happiness that you need, then he'd want you to go after that. If this is what you need, I think you should hold onto it for as long as the world will let you."

The tears fell freely now, and it tugged at Vex's heartstrings to see Vax so shaken by this. This man who'd killed dragons and spoken with gods, reduced to a puddle by his own insecurity. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Vax's neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. After a moment, she felt a shaking breath leave him as his arms encircled her waist and hugged her back just as fiercely.

They stayed there, silent, grounding themselves in each other's presence.

"We're all here for you," said Vex. She could feel the threat of tears building in the back of her throat. "Gilmore will be there for you, whatever you decide, okay? So stop being so sad, okay?"

A tearful laugh shook them both, and Vax mumbled a quiet "okay" into his sister's shoulder.

It was another few minutes before they drew apart, faces wet and eyes shiny. "Are you alright?" Vex asked, using the cuff of her sleeve to clean Vax's cheeks. He took her hand in his, holding it between them.

"I think so," he replied, staring down at the bed.

Vex tilted her head to glance out of the window, where the moon was still rising higher and higher into the night sky. "D'you want to camp here for the night? We can sleep on Trinket with all the blankets and pillows on the floor."

Vax laughed, a smile creeping onto his mouth this time, and nodded. "Sure."

And that was how the dawn found them--or, more correctly, how Percy found them; curled up beside Trinket on the floor in the corner of the room, blankets strewn about, hair a collective mess, and backs pressed together in sleep. Allowing himself a smile, Percy carefully backed out of the room, gingerly and quietly closing the door.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> vax's big emotional freak outs are things i relate to a bit too much, so this was written. 
> 
> also my first time writing for Critical Role, so sorry if it's at all ooc <3


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